The Mocking 2022 NFL Draft: Which realistic picks would anger their fans the most?

If you’ve followed this NFL Draft closely, you know that consensus isn’t exactly a thing. There’s no quarterback prospect worth lusting over, and even if that won’t stop teams from reaching on one, we won’t have a storyline until Chicago actually drafts Mitch Trubisky with the No. 2 overall pick. The fun aspect of mock drafts varying widely is fans can talk themselves into, or out of, any selection. The potential for confusion over whether to cheer or boo a prospect walking across the stage in Las Vegas has never been higher, which is why I wanted to add some clarity for fans who want to know definitively who to jeer. So, welcome to the mock draft you love to hate. The following is a batshit crazy (mostly) worst-case scenario that probably won’t play out — but could — for every NFL team with a first-round pick. I didn’t add fake trades or put anyone in the first round that hasn’t been mocked in it because as funny as it would be for Jerry Jones to trade up to take a wide receiver, or for the Raiders to trade into the first round only to take a player projected to go in the third, it hasn’t happened yet. These are plausible picks according to mock drafts, reports, or serendipity, but the hypothetical anger is very real. 1. Jaguars: Travon Walker, DL, Georgia source: Getty Images Aidan Hutchinson is likely to go first overall, and when there aren’t any sure-fire Hall of Famers, selecting an edge rusher who projects to be a 10-year pro is a no-brainer. If only Jacksonville fans and media members who’ve watched the team make decisions as questionable as Shad Khan’s mustache could believe that. When analysts have to plead with a franchise to take the guaranteed double, fans will predictably be pissed if they swing out of their shoes going after Walker’s potential. The Bulldogs were so loaded and deep on defense that organizations can find favorable tape on any of the eight defensive players slated to get drafted. 2. Lions: Malik Willis, QB, Liberty source: Getty Images The Lions wouldn’t take a quarterback with the second pick with home-state hero Hutchinson still available — but they probably wouldn’t take a QB in general. Dan Campbell is too gruff to allow that. There was a pretty innocuous ESPN report about whether the organization that tortured Matthew Stafford with incompetence for a decade-plus would do the same to Willis, so someone has said it. If Campbell was put in a straight jacket with his eyes taped open, he’d accept GM Brad Holmes’ decision to take a quarterback. Willis would exceed his new coach’s personality test, the one that Kayvon Thibodeaux flunked, to such a degree that it’s fair to wonder whether the Liberty product would pull a John Elway or Eli Manning if Detroit called his name. Honestly, Willis’ family might boo the pick louder than Lions’ fans. 3. Texans: Sauce Gardner, CB, Cincinnati source: Getty Images Opting for a cornerback over a much-needed tackle or Hutchinson is irresponsible GM-ing, and owner Cal McNair would have to quintuple his image-rebuilding efforts in Houston if this scenario happened. The Bearcat is good enough to be drafted in the top five, and that’s notable when you take into consideration the hit rate on corners drafted that high. If Gardner pans out like Charles Woodson, Patrick Peterson, or Jalen Ramsey, it’ll be hard to take issue with the selection. I’m just unsure how much a fanbase cares about a lockdown corner — or how much a corner cares about a team — when it’s trash. Ramsey’s tenure in Jacksonville lasted as long as the Jags contended, which wasn’t very long, and that’d be my concern with Sauce in Houston. 4. Jets: Aidan Hutchinson, DE, Michigan source: Getty Images It’s fitting that the only way for New York’s AFC team to get some draft luck would be if the teams ahead of them acted Jets-ian. (I didn’t want to do which specific players would piss off each team because Travon Walker would be on this list five different times, and that’s not cool or fair.) Jets faithful would rejoice if Hutchinson fell to them. The only way they’d boo him is if the message boards dictated that an offensive tackle Houston passed on him should’ve been taken. Although, I’m still of the mindset that they’d be stunned into silence upon learning they’re getting the second coming of Mark Gastineau. (No clue how accurate that comp is with how hard it would be to come up with a nickname better than the New York Sack Exchange moniker.) 5. Giants: Charles Cross, OT, Mississippi State source: Getty Images I found a Giants tweet that talked about how infatuated the team is with Cross, and one of the first repossess was just the Michael Scott “No, no, noooooooo” gif, so you know visions of Ereck Flowers are already plaguing the minds of Big Blue faithful. The Giants fans I know have been screaming about offensive line help since I met them 14 years ago, so of course new GM Joe Schoen is eyeing the top-three tackle they don’t like and the one who has never played right tackle even though that’s not the tackle spot they need to fill. If Ickey Ekwonu and Alabama’s Evan Neal are sitting there, and New York still opts to go with the player who just recently started trending upward and is technically out of position, it’d be a total Giants move. And I say that in the most loving, endearing, disheartening manner possible. 6. Panthers: Ickey Ekwonu, OT, NC State source: Getty Images There are two reasons I have them going with Ekwonu. The Giants are worried that the Panthers are targeting a tackle as well, so it’d be funny if they passed over the higher-rated prospect. Carolina needs a quarterback even with Ben McAdoo prematurely naming Sam Darnold as the starter. Matt Rhule’s OC walked back this claim in record time, and I’m sure that kind of organizational communication gives fans comfort if they were to select Kenny Pickett at 6. That’s not what I’m doing here, though, because the team needs offensive line help, and there’s nothing that disappoints fans more than taking a lineman when rumor has it you’re looking at a QB. Ekwonu could envelop Darnold in a forcefield, and the Panthers would still finish 5-12. (They’d probably finish the same with Pickett under center, which is fine until he starts the next season the same way.) 7. Giants: Derek Stingley Jr., CB, LSU source: Getty Images James Bradberry, one of the Giants lone bright spots last season, didn’t show up for volunteer workouts and it sounds like the seventh-year corner isn’t long for New York. Failing to solve whatever is going on with him — Schoen doesn’t want to lose the asset but he also doesn’t seem intent on pleasing the asset — would be negated by drafting the LSU product to replace him. It would be a nice consolation prize for taking Cross at 5. Offensive line and secondary are needs, so it’s only fair to afford fans of a team that’s sticking with Danny Dimes at QB some happiness. And David Gettleman is gone, so they aren’t constantly living in a state of fear over which skill position the team will waste a first on. (A Gettleman-free draft is not as fun for this exercise, however. If Schoen trades Kadarius Toney and takes another receiver in the Top 10, time really is on a loop.) 8. Falcons: Evan Neal, OT, Alabama source: Getty Images I’d really love to put Cincinnati QB Desmond Ridder here for levity purposes. Signing one quarterback with arm strength issues in Marcus Mariota and drafting another one with the same flaw is a solid approach to never-ending mediocrity. If Neal falls to 8, then coach Arthur Smith and Co. would take him and hope that they can make Mariota an effective NFL player like they did with Cordarelle Patterson. And, honestly, that’d probably be accomplished in a similar fashion because Mariota has always been most effective as a glorified running back. Getting rid of Matt Ryan and adding Neal and Mariota is a one-step-back-1.5-steps-forward approach. Congrats, Falcons fans… I think. 9. Seahawks: Kayvon Thibodeaux, DE, Oregon source: Getty Images Upon scouring the comments section of Seahawks draft coverage on the Seattle Times website, two grievances stood out: The 12th Man is growing increasingly frustrated with pom-pom Pete Carroll and GM John Schneider. The people of Seattle/Washington state hate Oregon Ducks football. The city is home to the Huskies so the Ducks bias isn’t surprising, and neither is the anger for Carroll after he ran Russell Wilson out of town because Wilson was sick of scrambling for his life. They need help everywhere defensively, and Thibodeaux still kicking it at 9 would be a great pick for the team, and one fans would most likely come around to if pom-pom can fully maximize a guy who has No. 1-pick potential. The head coach-GM won a Super Bowl in large part due to the 2012 draft a decade ago when they landed Bruce Irvin, Bobby Wagner, and Wilson with their first three picks. Now, the fans are as restless for a pick (or two) to pan out as they are for their morning macchiato. 10. Jets: Drake London, USC source: Getty Images The Jets having multiple first-round draft picks allows me to let the Jets do Jets things at least once this draft. I understand London is a great possession receiver in addition to being a captain at USC. That team went 4-8 and please stop trying to sell me on big-yet-slow receivers (those are called tight ends). London doesn’t wow me for a guy who could head up a loaded receiver class. He’s best suited for a quarterback who knows how to let big receivers use their physicality, and unfortunately for him, he’s not going to fall to a team with that kind of QB. Jets QB Zach Wilson certainly doesn’t shy away from chucking the ball around, so this pick could be viewed as a way for London to help the second-year quarterback save himself from himself. Wilson didn’t surpass 300 yards in any game during his rookie season, something the much-maligned Trevor Lawrence managed to hit do a couple times. But, hey, the last time the Jets took a possession receiver from USC super high in the draft he wasn’t a bust, so that qualifies as a history of draft success. 11. Commanders: Garrett Wilson, WR, Ohio State source: Getty Images I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care. This would objectively be a good pick for the Commanders. Replacing a Buckeye receiver who’s holding out for a new deal with a Buckeye receiver who comes in on a cheap deal is a win-win for Washington. Be that as it may, FedEx Field is depressing even for people who like the Commies, and no selection, save for Robert Griffin III, is going to garner praise until owner Dan Snyder is gone. So, yes, burgundy-and-gold-clad fans can rejoice over getting a receiver who’s not recovering from an injury or slow. Maybe the hope for the team that preceded last year when they were fresh off winning the NFC East will return with this pick and the addition of Carson Wentz under center. Optimism is not synonymous with Wentz, Snyder, or Washington football, so I don’t care if this is a great selection. Aside from the color scheme, there is not one iota of this franchise that resembles the team DC-area fans fell in love with back in the day, and that’s a boo-able offense. 12. Vikings: Jermaine Johnson II, DE, Florida State source: Getty Images One of my best friends is a Vikings fan and his head is routinely tiled 45 degrees downward when discussing Minnesota. After the Timberwolves blew two separate 20-point leads and a playoff game to the Grizzlies this week, the Star Tribune sports section ran a list of painful defeats for Minnesota based teams titled, “Sure victory to crushing defeat: Eight more painful Minnesota losses.” How does one elicit anger from a fanbase in a constant state of depression without evoking Brett Favre’s name? How about Jermaine Johnson II? The Vikings need an edge rusher like this Florida State product, but it arguably needs more reinforcements in the secondary. They were in the bottom five of NFL teams in passing yards given up last year, and coverage has been an issue even when they’ve had a good-to-great front seven. Repeating the same mistakes and hoping for a different outcome will drive people… insane, and addressing the issue in theory doesn’t mean you have the personnel on the backend to fix the problem in practice. 13. Texans: Kyle Hamilton, S, Notre Dame source: Getty Images Coming away with a brand new secondary via two Top 15 picks wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Hamilton dealt with injuries, and experts still don’t think he’ll fall that far. Grabbing him at 13 should solidify the secondary for the next five years. If the Texans going to rock with Davis Mills, and it sounds like the team is going to do exactly that, at least give him some protection and/or weapons. From the abundance of mock drafts I’ve read, it seems like there’s going to be a run on tackles early, with a buffet of receivers lined up for the second half of the first round. Neglecting a tackle early means the Texans could end up having to reach on a riskier option. It’s beginning to feel like every year the receiver class is loaded, and that’s the case again in 2022, so if only one is taken, logic says there will still be a No. 1-type guy on the board. Houston needs help on both sides of the ball, plus fans love offense, so depriving them of flash could get them heated. Mills isn’t Deshaun Watson, which is a good thing, but he will need better infrastructure to succeed. 14. Ravens: Trevor Penning, OT, Northern Iowa source: Getty Images Baltimore’s defense has lost its pass rush a little bit, and I watched enough clips of Purdue’s George Karlaftis to trust that he’d be immediately embraced by the team and its fans. Penning addresses a need because offensive line depth has been an issue. However, it’s not a necessity. Running the ball is the modus operandi in Charm City, and a strong defense is a must have if that’s the way you want to play. The team was in the bottom of the NFL in sacks, pressures, hurries, or whatever other metric you want to use to indicate a failure to beat the hell out of the quarterback. Opponents used to be more sore than usual the week after facing Baltimore, and now it’s just defenses that walk away slightly more hobbled. I’m not saying soft teams draft offense in the first round… or am I? The Ravens have a good-enough record in the draft that fans wouldn’t boo unless a pick was a replacement for Lamar Jackson or soft. 15. Eagles: Jameson Williams, WR, Alabama source: Getty Images Philadelphia is doing a poor man’s Detroit Lions impression by drafting a bunch of receivers in high rounds yet only having one receiver to show for it. Devonta Smith nearly eclipsed 1,000 years during his rookie season, so that’s one I guess. Since 2014, the team has taken eight receivers, and four of them have been selected in the first or second rounds. Saying Eagles fans are prone to booing is like saying dogs are prone to eating scraps of food that fall on the floor. They love to hate, and I feel for the wide receiver who walks across the stage in a midnight green hat because we are going to hear the boos in Vegas all the way from Philly. Williams was the best receiver I saw in college football last year, but that doesn’t mean fans will be cool with drafting a receiver who tore his ACL in January. They should be more concerned about QB Jalen Hurts, though, because if he couldn’t keep his starting job when he had Alabama receivers in college, how’s he going to do that in the pros? 16. Saints: Chris Olave, WR, Ohio State source: Getty Images The people of New Orleans are genetically predisposed to think positive. They’re bizarro Eagles fans. Olave is one of the more polished receivers in the draft from a route-running and football IQ standpoint. The issue with him, and why if I’m a Saints fan I would be meh on the pick, is a lack of physicality. If the Michael Thomas that Saints fans loved — and teammates hated — returns to form, that’s great. If not, asking a 6-foot-0, 187-pound receiver who doesn’t win a lot of 50-50 balls or rack up YAC to be your No. 1 is a stretch. With Sean Payton gone, so is his one-of-a-kind innovative skills, and it’ll fall to OC Pete Carmichael, — and whoever gets the starting QB job between Andy Dalton, Jameis Winston, and Taysom Hill — to figure out how to get the most out of a player who is basically a finished product. (Also, a small-ish, smart receiver who has good hands, speed and runs crisp routes sounds like an ideal, if not overqualified, slot receiver.) 17. Chargers: Kenyon Green, G, Texas A&M source: Getty Images I’m not exactly sure who would be upset with this pick. The team needs a guard and a tackle. However, what they really need is a way to improve the run defense because no amount of nibbling around the edges is going to work. Adding Khalil Mack and a bunch of serviceable interior linemen is a start. If I thought the team had a fanbase to rile up, I’d continue to stoke the fire. The Chargers are only as relevant as their players’ fantasy stats, so no one cares enough to jeer them until Austin Ekeler gets hurt again. 18. Eagles: Devin Lloyd, LB, Utah source: Getty Images Philly needs a linebacker, and Lloyd fits the bill. It’s a solid pick and one fans wouldn’t voice their displeasure over if not for the fact the Birds took a receiver two selections earlier (in this draft at least). The only debate is if Eagles faithful would boo Lloyd as a residual effect of taking Williams, or if they’d greet the former Ute with sarcastic cheers because the front office actually did something they can get behind. 19. Saints: Jordan Davis, DT, Georgia source: Getty Images It’s not that Davis is bad or this is poor value, it’s more that New Orleans doesn’t need to use a first-round pick on defense. However, again, who will this fanbase not cheer? The only hypothetical I can think of is if they took an Alabama player who throttled LSU in regular-season and national title games. He also would have to injure multiple Tigers and slander the state of Louisiana in the pre- and post-game news conferences. And if all that happened, the people of Nola would still only be a couple bourbons away from saying fuck it and rooting for him anyway. Never change, New Orleans. 20. Steelers: Kenny Pickett, QB, Pitt source: Getty Images No one is a harsher critic of an athlete than his own fanbase. There are likely Steelers fans who also are Pitt Panthers fans that would pull for Pickett if he went from their college team’s quarterback to their pro team’s quarterback. Hometown heroes (I know he grew up in Jersey!) are awesome stories when they work out. When they don’t, it’s harder to give up on a guy who can’t live up to the weighty expectations. Derrick Rose lingered on the Bulls too long after injuries derailed his career, and David Freese’s outlier postseason earned him a long leash in St. Louis. The concern is Pickett is somewhere between Rose and Freese from a prospect point of view, and I know I’m comparing three different sports, but the fanbases’ feelings and knowledge of a player are the same. Some will be elated, and others, who are intimately aware of Pickett’s faults, will roll their eyes at puff pieces because they know those same writers will pivot to critics in a few years’ time. 21. Patriots: Trent McDuffie, CB, Washington source: Getty Images New England fans treat Bill Belichick’s first-round picks like house money. “Sully, if we can hit on a couple needs, maybe a skill guy, we’re back in the Super Bowl.” Save for the Mac-churian Candidate, aka Mac Jones, the Pats have given back their house money quite a few times. Pretty much any first- or second-round selection is viewed through a pessimistic lens until he’s exonerated by on-field performance. Organizational success has made Boston fans docile, but don’t mistake a lack of boisterous boos for acceptance. Only Belichick’s defensive game plans merit blind faith. Drafting McDuffie instead of trading down like they usually do says to Pats fans that the Hoodie likes him, and that hasn’t always translated to glowing returns. 22. Packers: Bernhard Raimann, OT, Central Michigan source: Getty Images Cheese Heads are smart football fans, so they know how much easier a tackle can make Aaron Rodgers’ life. However, the team just traded its best receiver, and emotions hinder logic, so opting to go with Raimann over, say, Arkansas receiver Treylon Burks, would be met with a collective “Really, guys?” My guess is Rodgers would be annoyed by the pick, too, but he finds grievances with Green Bay like a hypercritical spouse assessing your evening-out attire. “Yes, Aaron, this is what I’m wearing. Would you like to pick out my clothes next time so you don’t hesitate before telling me I look nice.” 23. Cardinals: George Karlaftis, DE, Purdue source: Getty Images Drafting to appease your disgruntled quarterback is a fool’s errand, and Arizona needs to keep Kyler Murray more than temporarily happy to keep him permanently. The Cardinals start off like world beaters every season, and right about the time the Murray MVP buzz peaks, the team nosedives. An offensive lineman would prevent that from happening more than a wide receiver, but Chandler Jones also left, so a number of front-seven players are responsible choices, too. Ignoring Murray’s displeasure is hard because fans tend to side with star quarterbacks, but both parties will get over it if the team can start hot and finish strong. Karlaftis fills a need that’s more pressing than jerking your knee every time a QB whines. Let’s be real: DeAndre Hopkins is responsible for the bag that Christian Kirk got, and the next receiver to share a field with D-Hop doesn’t need to be a drop-dead gorgeous WR prospect to succeed. 24. Cowboys: Treylon Burks, WR, Arkansas source: Getty Images The temptation for Jerry Jones, an Arkansas alum, to draft one of his Hogs is strong. The ’Boys should really rebuild their offensive line, and Boston College guard Zion Johnson would be a great fit. He builds computers for fun and seems like the kind of cerebral lineman who’ll be a staple on any team lucky enough to draft him. When I asked co-worker and Cowboys fan Criss Partee about Dallas’ draft plans, his response began with, “Fuckin’ Jerry Jones, man” before telling me there’s a rumor the team would trade up to take a receiver. And I think we can all agree when I write, LOL. So any receiver in the first round would likely set them off. 25. Bills: Breece Hall, RB, Iowa State source: Getty Images I thought it was settled that teams should never draft a running back in the first round. I know Buffalo is loaded, and an impact ball carrier could push them over the top, but they were 13 seconds away from the AFC Championship Game. Meditate on this. Fellow former Cyclone David Montgomery went in the third round, and that’s the earliest a guy playing the most expendable skill position in the NFL should be drafted. Bills Mafia, don’t let this relatively impressive run distort reality — or convince you that you should be funding two-thirds of a new stadium. 26. Titans: Jahan Dotson, WR, Penn State source: Getty Images Count me among the Ryan Tannehill skeptics. Coincidentally, “give him endless weapons but fail to protect him” was the Giant’s formula for Daniel Jones, and we all know how that’s going. Derrick Henry, A.J. Brown, and Julio Jones’ injury-plagued 2021-22 years proved that the Titans don’t need a full complement of skill players to reach the postseason. Jones’s departure and Robert Woods’ arrival coming off an ACL tear screams draft a skill position, but running the ball and defense are what’s made this team a perennial favorite to win the AFC South. Titans fans know that better than anyone. Dance with the girl you took to prom. 27. Bucs: Dax Hill, S, Michigan source: Getty Images Tampa is going to need an extra lineman to prop up Tom Brady by the end of the season if the Bucs don’t help him out. Another perfect team for Zion Johnson, the guard out of BC, the front office going defense would be mind-boggling. Brady is at the point in his career where he selectively collapses in a heap whenever he sees the pass rush bearing down and it’s not a crucial play. The secondary really missed Richard Sherman when he went down last year. That’s not a sentence a team wants to read in 2022, nor one that management should tell Brady when he asks why they didn’t draft his preferred target. Tom signed up for a LeBron James “I’m the GM, now” situation, and like fans of King James, Brady’s following never thinks the star’s short-sighted desire is a bad one. 28. Packers: Christian Watson, WR, North Dakota State source: Getty Images While the former Bison receiver already looks good in green and yellow, don’t tell Packers fans who spent the past three months making excuses for Rodgers’ dud against San Francisco and watching tape of pass catchers from blue-blood programs. Maybe now that Davante Adams is gone, the narrow-minded QB will find players running open on key third downs in the playoffs. The first time Watson — who improved his issues with dropped passes in his final college season — lets one fall to the frozen tundra, he’ll be the next reason Rodgers flamed out of the playoffs. “See? I told you, we should’ve drafted Garrett Wilson.” 29. Chiefs: Zion Johnson, OL, Boston College source: Getty Images Like the Packers, Kansas City also moved one of the best receivers in football over a contract dispute, and Tyreek Hill’s on-field absence will be felt by fans and Patrick Mahomes alike. I’ve seen the Chiefs predicted to improve their offensive line in some mock drafts, so I can see the allure of Johnson. What would make K.C. fans angrier than dry burnt ends would be a scenario where the team sits on its hands instead of packaging the 29th and 30th picks to move up to take one of the six highly-touted prospects that are off this mock draft’s board. 30. Chiefs: Andrew Booth, CB, Clemson source: Getty Images Coach Andy Reid’s draft management turns out to be as bad as his clock management with the team going for secondary help in lieu of an edge rusher or wide receiver. Cut to Chiefs Twitter wondering if the coach was ever good, or if Mahomes’ greatness and Jimmy Garoppolo’s overthrow were the only reasons they won a Super Bowl. 31. Bengals: Kaiir Elam, CB, Florida source: Getty Images Protect Joe Burrow at all costs. Yes, Eli Apple was a sieve in the Super Bowl, but so was the offensive line. Bengals fans love their young quarterback too much to be happy about the thought of another season where defensive linemen try to find new ways to bend Burrow’s limbs. The guy is out there getting chopped in the throat, and management is more concerned about the secondary? The final piece to Cincinnati becoming a competent franchise is paying stars when the time comes and surrounding the franchise QB with an offensive line that doesn’t fold like a rickety Jenga tower under the slightest amount of stress. 32. Lions: Devonte Wyatt, DT, Georgia source: Getty Images Wyatt (No. 95) is free-falling down draft boards, and, in the case of a few teams, is being removed from them completely over character concerns. The hysteria among most NFL fans for not drafting Hutchinson and instead reaching for Willis at No. 2 would turn into a riot if their team capped off the first round by selecting a player the Steelers won’t even touch. That said, the people of Detroit are so deprived of success that a few grasped onto Matt Stafford’s Super Bowl run in Los Angeles. I don’t know how such intensely defeated people even muster up the energy to get mad at the Lions. If there are any emotions left, maybe a few will fire off an outraged tweet or two. 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